What It’s REALLY About!!!
It’s About Safety…And You Should Be Thrilled About That.
I have to make a comment on a subject I have been dealing with for a long time now. That is the argument I continually hear when a husband and wife discuss their concerns about firearms or “guns in the house” as it were.
I have heard many women say, “I don’t want guns in the house, I have children.” So what is really being expressed here? Whether it is said by the husband of the wife, the real issue is being missed and because of that “miss” there are too many homes in this country that are not equipped to be safe or well protected. Well…let me shine some light on this subject..the truth as it really is!
What Is Meant By Safety, Is Not Being Expressed Correctly.
I must give credit to many ladies out there who do not fit this mold. I have had many in my CFP classes who are gung ho about learning and being in a safer frame of mind and I applaud them to the lengths of my arms and even further. The words that are spoken are not always the true feelings of the situation at hand. There are some serious facts that must be acknowledged before any family can move toward a more safe home. These facts may be different depending on where and what the topic is, but here are some to think about:
- Realize that crime happens everyday, in your area.
- Realize that criminals don’t care who you are or what you think
- Realize that “it” can happen to anyone, any time, and anywhere
- Realize that being prepared means “in all areas” of your life
- Realize that many criminals have guns, and a knife or bat won’t work against them
- Realize that no matter how you express it, IT’S ABOUT SAFETY!
But the idea I am working out is the fact that there are those who refuse to acknowledge the truths of safety and self defense for themselves and their families. I am focusing on the wifes’ point of view mostly, because that is what I hear the most. Before I updated this post, I hadn’t come across the reverse scenario, but since I have, I can now say that there are, in fact, husbands out there who are spineless to their wife’s bidding and won’t pursue an increased safety because they have their “fingers crossed”…there…I said it, now I’ll get off my soap box!
OK…so the argument is that the husband wants to get a gun or even get his Concealed Permit. The spouse is not very comfortable with the idea and then looms above with a scowl and bad attitude until the husband bows down to her wishes. (that was a bit dramatic for most…but not all unfortunately)
Well…ladies…let me ask you a question. Do you love your family? Do you love yourself? Do you want everyone to be protected? Is that a “Yes” I hear coming from your mouth? Really? Then just how are you going to do that? Throw your purse and yell and scream and call the police? Yeah…that is what I thought you would say…but here is the truth behind the argument.
Safety Is The Subject, So Be Calm And Face The Safety Facts!
Your spouse also loves your family and that means the children and yes, even YOU. So while contemplating how he can best ensure the safety of his precious family, he realizes that there are certain tools he can use to accomplish his goal of being a great father and husband. Those are the facts of what is going through his head. He is not a “gun nut” and just wants to shoot and kill stuff. (that may come later on) But his root concern is for you and the family. That is something that every spouse should be thrilled about. The fact that your loved one is totally concerned for your safety and wants to perform his/her duties is a dream come true or at least should be on your list of a dream spouse. 
I remember when I was single and still dating and the girls I dated always wanted to feel safe with me, which put me in position of “protector.” Well…the days of fist fights and honor among thieves is over. In today’s day and age, you better be extrememly alert and aware of what is going on around you at all times. I am all for treating my wife with respect and treating her like a queen, but that doesn’t mean I will always be around when something goes horribly wrong. I also know that in many instances, the odds are not in my favor; meaning, that there could be more than one person attacking me or us. When the odds are such…you have to use whatever you can to survive. Imagine if the husband can’t protect his wife and kids because his wife won’t let him…and then something does happen. Who has to live with the fact that everything possible didn’t happen to ensure safety? That is not something I want to deal with, most people don’t.
I am certainly an advocate of firearms, they are just a tool in the safety toolbox. There are other things that also help in the game of life and safety. But can you take your house alarm with you to the movies or out to eat at your favorite restaurant? NO, I didn’t think so. What about a dog? Great, but you still can’t take them everywhere, and you have to feed them and clean up their “piddles” as well. So what can you do to further protect yourself, your family, and others? I suggest taking a martial art of some kind. When you get proficient with the techniques and can feel secure in applying what you have learned, it has now been about 10 years of serious training and money spent. Great…I love the idea…but what about the time between then? It was about 10 years right? OK…now what?
Look folks…I am not saying that everyone needs to own a firearm…not everyone will and that is OK. But when your spouse is seriously concerned for everyone’s safety, then please don’t discourage them from displaying their emotions of love and their duty as husbands and fathers. Just encourage them to be safe and learn from the best. Getting the proper training is essential anyway…so make sure he gets it and practices safe habits. NOW…
Once you overcome the “uncomfortable” feelings of having a gun in the house…but understanding the TRUE reason for such actions…let me ask you another question. If you are not on the same page as your husband, as far as safety is concerned, are you going to help the situation or hurt the situation if an intruder breaks into your home? Its a valid question and a good one to ponder. Think about it and make some comments or arguments…what else if this blog for? Think about having a knife in the house. Criminals use knives too, so maybe you should not have any “sharp objects” in the house…if you are truly concerned about the dangers presented to your children. What about bats, balls, racquets, broom handles, rakes, shovels, pots, pans, etc. etc. etc. The simple truth is that anything can be used as a weapon to harm someone else. What about that “corner on the piano bench”…I think all of my siblings and myself hit that a few times…OUCH!
So while you are pondering your view points…allow your spouse to demonstrate the love he has by learning what he needs to learn to be a better husband and father. Remember, its about safety; firearms can sit on the table all day and won’t move at all, won’t hover around and shoot people, won’t do a dang thing, UNTIL someone makes it move. Its a tool, nothing more. I am pretty sure the kitchen knives won’t do anything while they are sitting on the table either. Don’t be a “hoplophobe” because there are too many of those already. (Hoplophobia, click here)
Just thought I would say I am the one who grew up with guns in the house, and would like to get one and go shooting. My husband did not grow up around guns at all and is somewhat nervous about them. Right now I don’t have a lot of spare time to go shooting and I won’t have a gun that I don’t practice with and feel comfortable with, but the time will come in the next few years when I have more time. I will take the classes and practice regularly.
Great article! I had almost this exact argument with an old friend the other day. She is from California and has a deep mistrust about firearms and some major prejudices towards them. So we got to discussing how her husband really wants to get a gun and she “doesn’t want a gun in the house,” so i told her that I already have several! After discussing the pro’s and con’s of gun ownership for a little while, she made the comment that she would rather have someone shoot her than to shoot them and have it on her conscious. I said, “I basically feel the same way, but when it comes to my wife, forget it! I could never live with myself if i had the means to protect her and didn’t when something bad happened. She is too important to me to not learn to use and carry the proper tools.” I told her that she should realize that even though she may be willing to die instead of kill, her husband might not agree with that and would rather have to take a life and have it be on his conscious, knowing that he was able to protect those he loves.
There was a recent rape/assault a few miles from where I live and it happened in broad daylight. The poor girl was nearly beaten to death and was left for dead but was able to drag herself to safety and was hospitalized. the attacker then went to rob a store and attack another woman. All of that would have been avoided if she had been carrying the proper tools for self-defense, whether it is a gun, mace, or martial arts, you should never be alone and unprotected.
I could not agree more. My wife was extatic about getting our first gun and even wanted me to buy her one after I took her shooting. I think the wife needs to be just as proficient as the husband so she can take action in the event that the husband isn’t there to do so.
Wow Meagon…this is always a first time for everything it seems. I have not met a “reverse scenario” yet…but you could be the acception…way to go girl. I imaged that somewhere out there, there was a female who had the advantage over her husband when it comes to firearms…and you have proved that point. Keep up the good work and when you husband is ready to take the Concealed Firearms Course…gimme a call and I’ll make sure he gets the best instruction for sure. you can email me at: damon@defenseactions.com anytime!!!
The article covers exactly all the challenges that I had in our home. I see that I am not the only husband who had the problem. Good!
I actually approached it in a way that worked well for me. I introduced my firearms to my wife and daughter at the same time. Timing happened to be very good and so we sat down on a Saturday and I explained to them why I felt that we should have firearms in the house. In the past my wife saw it always like a “guy thing” and “we are safe”. It has been a very good move and I am glad that I have it out of the way. I continue to have 100% gun safety in our house. My daughter understands the importance of gun safety.
I also asked both of them to come into my room when the gun was taken apart and being cleaned. My daughter looked at me and I saw in her eyes the next level of understanding. I am purposely avoiding the words “comfort level”. I don’t want her to be comfortable at this point. I want her to respect the firearms and know what she has to do in order to be safe.
When we first started dating she was not in favor of having my guns accessible for home defense. She now has her own HD handgun and she knows how to use it. This journey takes time and patience…longer for some, not so long for others.
I’m from California and never gave any thought of owning or not owning for personal use. However, I have always wanted to be in law enforcement so it came natural to me to not “fear” the option. When I met my current BF and now live in TN, that is where my first on hand experience came with firearms. I now own a 9mm and a .22 and just need to find time to get my carry permit! I know the way some Californians are, but even my little sister, when she visited, was all sweet let’s go to the range. She was uncomfortable with the 9 mil, but that was bc of the initial recoil. She is visiting again next month and she plans on going again! I don’t know if she wants to own her own, but maybe after this trip she will look into it bc I really care for her safety, espesially since she lives alone. I totally understand the need some women get on their men “protecting” them, but if they feel they need protecting, why not protect themselves when he isn’t around? I get the notion of not wanting to shoot or kill anyone, but to risk your life bc of this is both ridiculous and selfish. Selfish bc you are ok wh the risk of losing your life and leave family for a criminal. Now maybe you don’t need or feel you need one, that’s ok. But, just bc you don’t want to shoot a person, let alone a criminal violating YOUR safety, for that reason alone one must reconsider and reevaluate their reasoning. I really enjoyed this article, both informing and completely agree. Now I have always wanted to own my own firearms before I met my BF obviously, it just goes to show that perception of some is not always what it seems.
Jessi….
Bravo my dear…we certainly appreciate your comments and the willingness to overcome any fear or hesitation. The fact that many refuse to see is the potential of a bad sitation. Yet these are the same people who get mad at those who don’t have car insurance…don’t see a difference really. Insurance of a different form and precaution of a differenct value.
Keep up the good work, and perhaps check the post about starting your shooting experience with a .22 caliber. Please feel free to comment as much as you would like to…we love the comments, especially from intelligent people like yourself!
All well and good in theory, I have a wife who doesn’t like guns and won’t have them a home. She also doesn’t like my business of supporting shooters. Unfortunately this will always be an emotive issue with her and logical reasonable arguments are a waste of breath.
Cheers
Mick
Mick…
Thanks tons for the comment…nice site too…by the way!
Unfortunately…that sometimes happens. When someone isn’t willing to learn, or just won’t, then progress in any form will stop. I am sorry that happens…but everyone has their learning curve, including my relatives. I am looked at as a strange dude in some circles…but one thing is for certain…I won’t be a victim and they will, because its mentality. They are also the ones who go to work just to get a paycheck…rather than actually accomplish something worth while! Good luck Mick!
I just want to say this is a great site and it is important to know what to do in case something like this does happen. There is stuff I didnt realize you need to know or do. I ordered a SD Book and I cant wait to read it. I think everybody needs to know this stuff. I am from Arkansas and I know there are many laws in differant states, and it is important to know what to do and what you can do if this happens to you . I know of a few people that this has happened to and I bet they wish they new this stuff then.They were very very lucky to still be alive today . Thanks for carring and letting us know what to do and what percautions to take. Cliff
Cliff…
Thank you sooo much. We really appreciate your time and efforts in reading and applying this great material. Feel free to comment when ever you can and spread the news about this site. We are dedicated to helping others, like yourself, to be safer and get the proper information and training.
Thanks Again and we look forward to seeing more comments from you!
Women have been observed for yrs as the symbol of anti war , and man was the god OF war. So women thinking this way, shouldn’t shock anyone at all. Like many things in life, it just takes knowledge on the subject, and training expierence.
When we first started dating she was not in favor of having my guns accessible for home defense. She now has her own HD handgun and she knows how to use it.